i feel no better today than how i felt yesterday. i still feel guilty and down. don't try and comfort me people. it's no use.
i don't know. i feel like i'm stuck in a hole, and the only way to get out of is to dig my way down lower and lower till i pop out on the other side of the world. i need to delve into the depths of my conscience and reorder everything. it's almost as bad as trying to reorganise my wardrobe. god that was hard.
i hate it how i give people a copy, an image, of me and my life, and they simply crush it in their hands in front of me. or throw it on the pavement for the guy walking behind them to pick up and throw into the bin. although my life is complicated. it's worth living. i don't know. some people understand me. some don't. but if you're going to simply ignore my presence in this small world, then maybe you shouldn't even be in my life at all.
i feel like i'm alien to the world. like i don't belong. exiled from the greater society. that no, im not unique, im not an individual, but i am different. a blemish. a stigma. like a mosquito bite you urge to scratch and itch off. like nobody can relate to the torments, the triumphs, the quirks that are me. as though what i am going through isn't normal. i feel a need to conform. conformity. an orthodox ,of balanced negative and positive connotations, simultaneously acting in dynamic equilibrium. but i myself feel not a need to conform. but to be myself. the individual. the different. the alien. thus, the cycle starts again.
finding the inner me. what a journey. i have no map, no compass. no reference. i might be running around in circles for all i know. but what if i dig through the hole. find the inner me. and hate him? im in a hole. a bigger hole.

not only has the proverbial planet of conformity spun a complete revolution. a complete cycle. on its axis. but now conformity has ran its celestial orbit.